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  Walden of Bermondsey

  Peter Murphy

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  When Charlie Walden took on the job of Resident Judge of the Bermondsey Crown Court, he was hoping for a quiet life. But he soon finds himself struggling to keep the peace between three feisty fellow judges who have very different views about how to do their job, and about how Charlie should do his.
  And as if that's not enough, there's the endless battle against the 'Grey Smoothies', the humourless grey-suited civil servants who seem determined to drown Charlie in paperwork and strip the court of its last vestiges of civilisation.
  No hope of a quiet life then for Charlie, and there are times when his real job - trying the challenging criminal cases that come before him - actually seems like light relief.

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  Fat Bald Jeff - A Novel

  Leslie Stella

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  “A slacker hell [with] a disgruntled, wisecracking protagonist . . . A hilarious send-up of hippies and hipsters” from the author of Permanent Record (Kirkus Reviews).   Addie Prewitt is a copyeditor for the National Association of Libraries. When her boss, the repulsive Coddles, heaps another new project on her department—with no additional remuneration naturally—she decides she’s had enough. While spending her days battling with her roommate about whether Black Sabbath or Neil Diamond will occupy the turntable and her nights beating her overeager suitor away from the door of her boudoir, Addie discovers a piece of vile pornography in Coddles’s dry cleaning. Finally, she has the means to retaliate.   Meanwhile, Fat Bald Jeff, the tech-support guy who has to cope with her mechanical self-sabotage, turns out to be even more disaffected than she, and they hatch the ultimate plan to give the pigs some of their own medicine. With a surreal wit and a keen eye that bring to mind Lily Tomlin set loose in Dilbert-world, Fat Bald Jeff is a sharp satire and a paean to the petty humiliations of workers everywhere.   “Stella provides a lot of freshly imagined fun . . . There are so many funny lines and scenes that even librarians may like it. As for the lumpen—they’ll love it.” —San Francisco Chronicle   “Warm the pockets of your heart watching this bereft waif find a little happiness in life.” —Mademoiselle   “Amusing . . . caustic . . . entertaining . . . Read on company time!” —US Weekly   “A fun, harmless, and quick read. Don’t look for inspiration, just amusement.” —Booklist

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  The Little Book of Big Excuses -...

  Addie Johnson

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  This indispensable reference guide offers hundreds of excuses for thousands of situations—from missed birthdays to unpaid parking tickets and more!Nobody ever said being an adult was easy. But it's definitely easier with hundreds of excuses for things you did, didn't do, or simply never want to hear about again. The Little Book of Big Excuses is your guide to saving face, avoiding blame, and getting out of almost any unpleasant situation. In “Fake, Don't Flake" you’ll learn how to successfully show up late—or not at all—to any number of places for any number of reasons. "Excusez-Moi, si'l vous plait" tells you just the right words to say if you're caught wearing a halter top to a black tie event. Or forget your boss's spouse's name (again). Or don't want to pick up the tab. The French have a word for everything. And you’ll always have an excuse for not calling, IMing, or emailing with the bonus chapter: “Delivery Subsystem Failure—Mailboxes, Messages, Missives Gone Awry, Oh My!”.

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  Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill -...

  Michael P. Spradlin

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  Michael P. Spradlin (outrageous words) and Jeff Weigel (eye-popping illustrations)—the seriously twisted minds that brought you the New York Times bestselling Christmas carol tome It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies and Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime, a book of Zombie love songs—have arisen once more, this time to devour Mother Goose raw! Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill is a hilarious volume of zombie nursery rhymes designed to tickle the (exposed) funnybone of every World War Z, Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and The Walking Dead fan on either side of the grave!

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  Life and Adventures of Martin...

  Charles Dickens

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  Martin Chuzzlewit was Dickens 6th novel, serially published in 1843 - 44. Irrespective of the fact that Dickens considered - "Chuzzlewit is in 100 points immeasurably the best of my stories"- it failed to resonate with, or capture the public's imagination as many of its predecessors had done. However by the1850s its popularity had risen and it eventually found recognition as the great novel that it is.The beginning is somewhat protracted but the prose is magnificent throughout. The theme of the story is about selfishness and obstinacy. The callow eponymous hero Martin Chuzzlewit is estranged from his grandfather (Martin Chuzzlewit the elder) for having the temerity to fall in love with his grandfather's ward - Mary Graham. The Chuzzlewit family are all placed under the microscope as Martin journeys on a voyage of what can only be termed as "self-discovery". His journeying takes him to America, where his experiences change him forever and he returns a far better man. Woven around the theme of the book are some of Dickens most finely drawn characters, ranging from the comic: Seth Pecksniff, an oily unctuous hypocrite, Mrs Gamp a nurse with a propensity for strong liquor and a delightful way of mangling the English language: to the macabre Jonas Chuzzlewit a dark brooding murderer. There are plots within plots, deception and artifice abound, confidence tricksters on both sides of the Atlantic, and a vicious murder.This is a satirical novel, particularly when Martin is in America and Dickens, who never shirked from social criticism, utilized that portion of the book to express his feelings on his experiences during his visit to America in1842. It is a comical novel, humour being prevalent throughout, witness Mrs Gamp "Rich folk may ride on camels, but it ain't so easy for em to see out of the needles eye". The irrepressible and precocious young Bailey strutting and posing in his Footman's livery. The deeply melancholic Augustus Moddle, desperate to be run over but finding no takers! and doomed to marry the wrong sister.

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  My Little Town

  Garrison Keillor

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  “It’s been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon, my home town . . .” Lake Wobegon has been Garrison Keillor’s fictional home town—and America’s—for almost 40 years. Many of us have grown up with “the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.” The Chatterbox Café, the Sidetrack Tap, the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility, the Bunsens and the Krebsbachs, the Lake Wobegon Whippets—these are places, people, and sports teams we know and love, thanks to Keillor’s ability to weave a story and tell it live.Never before collected, these expertly crafted tales are full of gentle humor, genuine emotion, and (more often than not) surprising insights into family, relationships, community, faith, and hope.

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